BMW is blowing hot air. Literally...

BMW has blown it. And not just in terms of turbos, but in terms of their cars. Subjectively, they are now the worst luxury brand to make a sports car--or a sporty car, if we’re going to be precise. The have performed an atrocity, a casualty, they have even killed off something. What have they done? Read on.

Starting in the 1980s, they started making a very good, if perfect sports car. They called it the M3-the M performance brand of the 3 Series car. Journalists loved it for many reasons. For much of its life, it had an inline six that made V8 power, and by the time they made a V8 for the car, it was also well controlled, for the most part smooth, and very much beyond a sports car, perhaps even a GT3 race car. That is quite a statement for a $50,000 version of what is basically an overall performance package on a 3 Series coupe, but there is more.

It had a sweet engine note, it steered oh so well, especially the early cars.  The icing on the cake came with the non-turbo (take note on that) 333 horsepower 2002-06 car, sans the goofy automatic transmission and unknown reliability, was balanced motoring for going to the store, a short trip, or even a lap around the circuit on the weekend--it could do it all, and never, ever with any turbo or supercharging. Every drive was a thrill, a quick let-off of the clutch, and class-leading tire grip, too. No pumps, no blowers, just a well-engineered engine and motoring car. Got it?

Fast forward to the efficiency-obsessed engineering department of today’s car world, its always on the lips of the sales people, marketing guys, etc. Now, BMW bailed on a long-rumored 3-turbo engine set up, that is a creative engine with not 1 or 2 but rather 3 turbochargers all pumping in air to the idea for the next M3’s motor. Now, it is here, and not only has the car’s price skyrocketed to more than $80,000 loaded, but they settled for a claimed “brand new” engine, a return to the inline six formula again, but with twin (2) turbos. Power has barely risen over the old car’s 414, and here is the bad part: it has been reviewed with bad steering. Remember, it was faultless before, and now it just sucks, apparently. “Vague steering, not much feel. Never really sure what its going to do under full throttle,” to paraphrase what Car and Driver said about it this summer. They have also overpowered it, because the turbos are actually too much for the poor car’s rear tires, and probably for many its prospective customers as well.

For years, the M division made well rounded cars, not ones with overboosted steering, and turbos, too--no different than any other BMW car or sport utility. The M3 always sounded unique in comparison to a regular 3. It it drove by, especially the aforementioned early 2000s car or the outgoing V8-powered car, sort of let out a shriek as it drove by. Like an automotive banshee, if you will. It was unique, not quite a Ferrari but obviously more than a Ford Focus. Now, we are left with poor steering, too much thrust, and an airy sounding, anonymous turbo exhaust sound. Doesn’t sound much different than the anonymous kid-rocket tuner car in the other lane at a stoplight.

They have killed off the old car’s normal engine (“turbo” is a cuss word to most old M3 owners), good steering, snap-crackle-pop exhaust sound, and a sense of organic sports car. Now, BMW buyers will have to weight if the M3’s many cons outweigh its pros, as it’s sales will have to do the talking.

When a Challenger isn't just a Challenger, its a....Viper?

Dodge let the cat out of the bag recently with the new Challenger, specifically its Hellcat variant. I thought I would write about it, since it, like the Expendables movies, has more American fun than you can throw a pie throwing contest to.

Beating the outgoing Shelby Mustang’s prancing 662 hp, the Hellcat crosses the 700-mark. Yes, 707 horsepower factory rated, and an equally unstoppable 650 pound feet of torque. When a regular Hemi isn’t enough...shake it up and add pressure, and boy, is this car ever pressurized like a slow cooker. Most notably is the car’s quarter mile times, which are pretty much on par with Ferraris and even beats a few Lamborghinis, all for $60k, gas guzzler tax included.

But, how does all this compare to the other hot sports car of the 1990s and 2000s, before CAFE laws existed? I’m talking about Fiat Chrysler’s other car, the Dodge SRT Viper. That was one of the most powerful cars in world, especially with no blower, a stick shift and 640 horsepower; enough for a race course. But my question is: Has Dodge’s SRT brand built something so hardcore, that it almost replaces the Viper, but with a retro name tag and looks? The answer to that is yes. Although its reportedly quiet on the inside, Dodge has crammed style, enough horsepower, unlimited top speed, and an exhaust that will probably break your sister’s favorite flower vase--all in one car, with the Viper’s manual gearbox, or an all new automatic. Yes, pretty much the only difference is no V10 here, at least not yet, and an automatic. Automobile magazine has already reported the Hellcat has a top speed of 199 mph, which, if true, will make it the fastest American car not to be a Corvette, Cadillac, or a Hennessy special.
The accolades go on, but my question remains: Has Dodge built something that will kill the Viper, its own long lasting icon?

Discovering a car that I had never heard of--My first look at a 928

I have recently discovered a car in the last month or so at a car show that I had not previously heard of. It is not very famous, but it is made by a famous manufacturer. Most versions of it were not very fast, and they didn’t have very many gears, either. I discovered an old, slightly beat up Porsche 928. That is, a heavy, probably expensive car that apparently was supposed to replace the aging (at the time) 911. Good thing they did not, because Porsche is still very famous for their very fast and exotic 911 sports car.

The 928 really seemed like a Porsche in almost a Volkswagen sort of way--roundish looking, heavier, and what sounded like a American V-8 pumping under the hood (it was a German engine of course). It was kinda pleasant, and I almost immediately knew I would write about it after a few weeks, since it was Porsche that really didn’t feel or look like it. Pop-up headlights, a very lazy 200 or something horsepower, and most appeared to be automatics, too (the gentleman I looked at definitely had an automatic). I feel like it was Porsche’s answer to the Corvette, in like I said, a VW sort of way. Listening to its engine for a second or two was also really strange--as I have never heard of the car before, it almost sounded like a V8 from a not so recent Ford F-150. Porsche quite literally attempted to build an American car for I guess what were the 911-haters--people that liked Corvettes but really wanted something more unique and...classy? Artful? I forgot to take pictures of the car, so I will include pictures from Google images.

What shocked me the most was the car’s Chevy price tag--the guy said he bought it for $7000 or something, maybe $6k. I don’t remember exactly what he paid for it, but he did not appear to be fibbin’--it was repainted, the inside was not very clean, and the rear end of the car looked like it had seen better days. In any event, that is significantly less than what I believe those cars cost new. 
Long story short: the 928 appears to be a very affordable way to behind the wheel of one of the most exotic and very German carmakers of all time, and that would be Porsche. There is no substitute.

What was that? Cars that have eluded time

Is that some kind of Camaro or something?

Do you ever get that sort of response from somebody who sees your car and they have no idea what it is? There have been a few cars that, unless you are a total car nut, or otherwise know that particular car, have been a fad of the day, or otherwise. This list could go on for a book’s length, but that’s not the point of a blog.

1. Volkswagen Phaeton

This large car completely flopped after its first full year of production for the 2004 model year. Put together with a few parts from the VW and Audi parts bins, and air suspension from Bentley, the Phaeton should have been re-engineered or scrapped from the very beginning. Big German cars are always the right size, have tons of power, aren’t largely overweight, and the Phaeton (pronounced PHAY-tun) was all of those. Using a stretched Audi A8L frame and using heavy layers of steel instead of the mixture of parts the big Audi used, Phaeton was expensive, even for a VW, with pricing surpassing a cool $90,000, fuel economy poor, acceleration rather slow, unless opted with the rare W12 option line, which included a heavy W-12 engine (a 12 cylinder put together in a “W’ configuration, so not a “V,” just for the sake of being different), VW’s poor dealer network, and according to one source: poorly trained technicians that could do little more than change the oil. Parts had be flown in from Germany and some were only available from Bentley, such as the air suspension, so parts pricing were equally outrageous. It was bloated and styled much like the Passat at the time, just bigger, just wrongly proportioned. Owners liked the cars since they knew they were basically a cheaper knock-off of a Bentley, but few others took notice. Less than 100 cars were sold throughout the car’s last year of 2006. Surprisingly, the company insists that the company can sell them here in the thousands, a lofty bet since the Audi A8 barely does that here in the States. Car and Driver reported that VW insists the car will be available for the US market again, although this is now 2014 and nothing has been said for over 2 years about it.

2. Lexus HS250h

The HS250 wasn’t a bad car at all. It was just small, had a brittle ride, and very average gas mileage numbers, which are critical for a hybrid to do well in the states. Rather unfortunate, because the HS250h’s EPA numbers were only slightly better than a run of the mill Toyota Corolla of the time (the Corolla got around 25/33 city/highway mpg). Unlike the more stylish Lexus hybrid, the CT200h, the HS looked almost exactly like the Lexus treatment done to a--you guessed it--Corolla, again. See a pattern here? Buyers apparently did too, and Lexus pulled the plug after barely more than a year.

3. Chevrolet SSR

Remember the El Camino? Kind of a smart idea using the bed from a truck and the frame from a car, and a proven Chevy small block engine? Well, Chevy tried the idea again back in 2003, of which they killed the venerable, long-running Camaro/Firebird twins (still a little angry about, no matter they make the ugly current Camaro)for, and used the development money for a “Super Sport Roadster” (yes, that’s what this enigmatic name stands for). The clearest example of what truck buyers did not--and do not--want in a truck: is a bed that is not usable, regular cab only, very little ability to tow and haul, and awful, scientifically mutated front design that looked like something stolen from Area 51 and mated with a short bed Silverado, the truck was put on the market for nearly 5 years, and once again probably an example of what put General Motors into their 2009 bankruptcy. Don’t do it ever again GM, because truck buyers want a truck, not something from science fiction.

How to spell Perfection: The new Audi RS 7

 A lot of Audi’s cars sound a lot like a license plate. A3, S3, A8, and my favorite: TT. Only one of the them, the Quattro Sport concept, has really ever had a name that was not something alphanumeric, and that was merely a concept car.  
You can make fun of it really, because a lot of German car fans do. What is most interesting, and the perhaps the biggest news for select buyers in Germany and North America in 2014 is the introduction of a super-duper S (Sport) variant of Audi’s cars. 2012 brought us the V-8-powered RS 5, a Racecar Sport variant of the standard A5. Audi has now brought upon us perhaps the grandest car of its lineup, other than the S8--it is called RS 7.

Behold, a little twin-turbo V-8 powered monster of an automobile. Packing a Goliath of an engine in terms of output, and a Ward’s 10 best award for 2014 for gas-powered V-8s in the small 4-liter class, it produces an astounding, Porsche-envying, 911 Turbo-jealous 560 horsepower. Basically, Audi’s 4-0 V-8 has gone to the gym, and come back with much more than a six pack. In fact, the folks at the Porsche dealer across the street need to be jealous.

 For the first time in history, Audi has built a car that may be more for your money than the top tier 911 Turbo is (520-hp), or the fearsome Turbo S (also 560-hp). 

I’ll let that sink in for a moment. 
The closest competition is the current Porsche Panamera Turbo, with a similar strategy, and I believe approximately the same power, albeit ugly, disgusting styling. This is a short blog celebrating the folks at VW Group for making more Porsche than Porsche is, and badging it an Audi, and giving it very likely the best fuel economy of any car with more than 500 horsepower as notified by the factory, or 450 for that matter. The men behind the desk at Mercedes, BMW, Cadillac (yes, Cadillac), and whatever other competition this raging 2 tons of menace wants to have are scrambling through their papers in desperate efforts to create something as hardcore but also statement-making as this. Yes, the RS 7 is a bit of a heavyweight, weighing about as much as the average Dodge Dakota, at around 4,400 lbs. 
Feeding through a regular 8-speed automatic is an equally impressive 516 pound feet of torque rating. American truck fans have something to be jealous about as well, as this produces waaaaay more torque than any truck makes. Step aside, F-150 EcoBoost.

Beyond the car’s power is the incredible value, believe it or not. Audi has made the next Batmobile--it is very expensive, but in terms of luxury and power, the car can be up there with the desirability of BMW’s ubiquitous M division, or even as hardcore as a Bentley or Rolls-Royce. All of Audi’s finest Truth in Engineering for a rather steep $105,795 as a “base” price, with loaded cars stretching to a bit over $120,000. For this, the only thing that compares in Audi’s stable is the $113,000 S8 barge, or the little-known A8 with the W12 and long wheelbase option, stretching to about $140,000. Audi did it a few years ago with the RS5, and now they have done it again with the RS 7, of course for a price.

The Results of a bar fight between a GI and a German Soldier

May 24, 2014

What happens when a Yankee GI gets into a bar fight with a German soldat? A hypothetical comparison between the now-defunct Hummer H1 (2004 model just for kicks), and the partially hand built Mercedes-Benz G-class G550 (or, as they call it in Germany: Gelandewagen. There really should be an amulet over the “a” in the name, but unfortunately Google Docs won’t let me do it today. Curses to you, owners of Panera’s Internet modem, as well as to the sometimes glitchy programming of Internet sourced documents!

Ok, vent over. I am more than happy to write this one today. I thought of what could be a great article.

Ever wonder what would happen if an American GI got into a bar fight with a German soldat? I have. Turns out, America and Germany have once car in common: small dedication to military vehicles. No, I am not talking about the Jeep, Jeeps don’t cut into the niche I’m talking about. They’re also not tough enough. Behold, the now-defunct Hummer H1 representing the American side. Weighing in at nearly 7000 lbs. and totally retired from civilian duty since 2006, the H1 represents the amazing go-anywhere capability of military vehicles, as well as the hard-as-nails tough attitude of the American military, and so on and so forth. It also can ford water, and approach and descend very steep angles. The list goes on, and we’re going to compare it to the other tough military-based vehicle out there, still in production for American shores to boot: The Mercedes G-class, specifically the “base” V8-powered G550.

Powertrain/performance

First, let’s take a look at what’s under the hood. Hummer H1s pretty much had one engine: the 6.5-liter turbodiesel V8, yielding just 205 horsepower for the final consistent model year (2004). Hummer rated its torque at a robust 430 pound feet. The German’s choice of engine? The 382-horsepower 5-and-a-half liter V8, only powered by gasoline, of course. A heavy breathing engine, 32 valves yields a wide torque curve for it, with 391 pound feet from here to eternity. It was shared with other previous M-B cars and SUVs. Transmissions? Hummer made due with a four-speed automatic. The G has rocked a luxurious 7-speed for several years now. The G also boasts sprightly acceleration. Advantage:  Mercedes-Benz

Off-roading ability

 The distinction here is quite blurry, since both Hummer and the G can approach and descend steep angles, ford over 3 feet of water, and probably get bogged down in a mud pit. Most G-class users would think twice about taking their rig anywhere off the road, so unless Four Wheeler gets their hands on these massive rigs, you can’t tell with this one. Advantage: A draw

Fuel economy

The US government has not required cars to be rated for their gas mileage over a certain vehicle weight rating. They have never really disclosed why, but that it how it is. Many estimate between 8 and 10 mpg overall. However, the G wagon’s numbers are in: for regular G550 trucks, 12 city, and 15 mpg highway. Advantage: Mercedes-Benz, although unofficially

Marketing image

Like I said before, the H1 marketed a tough-guy image during its time. Some famous celebrities such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, were known to own them. Schwarzenegger actually purchased a small fleet of them back in the ‘90s. It shows that you drive the biggest American vehicle on the road, and you unabashedly want to let everyone know that you do. It is certainly a luxury item although not from a luxury maker.

There have been many jokes that folks who buy the Mercedes G-wagon only pay with cash for fear of being tracked by the IRS (due to illicit money making means). Supposedly, some bosses of gang members drive them, so some people who see the G-class roll often joke that it’s “gangbangers’ car.” There will not be a clear advantage here, as whatever you want to be viewed as will determine the wining choice here.

Verdict?

The Hummer unfortunately has no clear winnings in this case. Although it is rich in torque and can go anywhere, it was slow, even for a big diesel, and not much heavier than the Mercedes. It is probably hard to park, and very certainly not for sale anymore, but however you can find H1s used for the price of a brand new Mercedes E-class, or sometimes less. The G really excelled in every hypothetical category I could do, without real-world experience. So unofficially, the winner here is the Mercedes-Benz G550. Long live the German soldat, as he beat the Yankee unconscious in this fight.

Is More really Less? A lesson from Mercedes-Benz

Is More really Less?

Automobile Magazine did an article recently (Automobile, April 2014), in which writer Georg Kacher explained that more luxury car is significantly less substance than less luxury car. Specifically, supersize luxury cars such as the popular Mercedes S-class, Audi A8, and Jaguar XJ offer supercar specs in their top tier trim lines in their performance packages. Mercedes has offered AMG, Jaguar the R, and Audi Sport (or “S,” for short) in many of their car offerings.

Few realize that many of today’s luxury cars offer supercar horsepower and torque numbers as well as mind-numbing acceleration, but they are seen as too “prestigious” for many to notice them.  Most interesting is that a base S550 (449 in the new model) in the US really offers more horsepower than a Ford Mustang (420) or even a Chevy Camaro (426 w/manual). The AMG offers an unreal 577 hp in the highly optioned S63 AMG (nearly $140,000). Anyway, the point that Kacher made that although there was a comparison test between 3 cars to see which was best, they decided there was no winner because none of offer any more car than windmills of engines, but nothing to make the cars feel “special.” The S63 feels like a regular S-class with faster shifting and more livid acceleration. The S8 feels the same, almost like a rip-off of a Bentley really and the XJR (the faster version of an already fast luxury cat), well, it would be redundant to go there, wouldn't it?

Anyway, I am definitely agreeing with what Kacher wrote about. I would like to expand a little, and go as far as to say what with the exceptions of Bentley’s and Rolls-Royce cars, pretty much any car above $50 grand in the new car world is pretty much either worthless or a pretty poor value. There, I said it. Yes, the occasional $56,000 Chevy is a lot of fun (See: Camaro ZL1. See: 2013 Shelby Mustang GT500.) and would be amazing to take to the long highways of Texas or the Nurburgring racetrack, but other than that and the fire-breathing Shelby Mustang, the return on in investment for a car goes downhill. Yes, I mean all those six-figure  S-classes on the road today, which in terms of luxury features, is little more than a stretched E-class with a slightly more egotistical driver. Add the V8 to the E’s option list, and presto!-instant S-class, minus some legroom, and around $30,000 less than the cost of an S. Okay, case in point: 2014 middle-size E550, which has the compact twin-turbo V8, the same engine from the regular S-class, with many of the same safety technologies from the S, is only $62,000. The hulking S has started at more than $90,000 for nearly a decade. Other than legroom, what’s the real difference here? Certainly not fun, because I am not seeing any more prestige, panache, or noticeable differences between middle E and the pricey S. Do you?